Guide · Funeral speeches · About a 6-minute read
How to write a eulogy for your mum
Writing a eulogy for your mother is one of the hardest things you'll be asked to do, and it usually has to be done in a few days. You don't need to be a writer. You need a simple shape, a handful of true memories and something to say goodbye with. This guide walks you through it gently, with a complete example you can adapt.
Before you write: gather memories
Send a short message to close family and her friends asking: "What's one thing you'll always remember about Mum?" You'll get stories you'd forgotten, and it helps people feel part of the day. Note down the basics too: where she was born, her work, the people and places she loved, her favourite sayings, songs and habits.
A gentle five-part structure
- Opening (20 seconds). Who you are and thanking everyone for coming to remember her.
- Her life in brief (1 minute). Where she grew up, work, marriage or partner, children and grandchildren. Keep it short; this isn't a CV.
- Who she was (1 to 2 minutes). Two or three qualities, each with one specific memory that shows it.
- What she meant to you (1 minute). What she taught you, what you'll miss, what you'll carry on.
- Goodbye (20 seconds). A closing line, a favourite saying of hers, or a few words of a poem or song she loved.
Lines you can use
"Thank you all for being here today to remember Mum. Seeing how many of you came would have made her cry, and then tell everyone to help themselves to sandwiches."
"If you knew Mum, you'll know she never let anyone leave her house hungry, and never let anyone leave without a hug."
"Mum, thank you for everything. We'll take it from here."
A complete example (about 4 minutes)
"Thank you all for coming today. I'm Sarah, Margaret's eldest daughter, and on behalf of Dad, my brother Mark and all the grandchildren, thank you for being here to remember Mum.
Mum was born in Walthamstow in 1951, the youngest of four. She left school at fifteen, worked at the Co-op on the High Street, and that's where she met Dad, who came in every Saturday for a pint of milk he didn't need. They were married for 49 years.
Mum was the most generous person I've ever known. Our front door was never locked, and there was always someone at the kitchen table who wasn't family: a neighbour, one of our friends who'd fallen out with their parents, the window cleaner. Nobody left without a cup of tea and a slice of her lemon drizzle.
She was also fiercely stubborn. At 68 she decided she was going to learn to swim. She went to the leisure centre every Tuesday for two years, and the day she swam her first length she rang every one of us, still in her swimming hat.
And she was funny, often without meaning to be. She once spent a whole Christmas Day calling Mark's new girlfriend by the wrong name. That girlfriend is now his wife, and she still answers to both.
Mum taught me that you don't need much to make people feel welcome: a kettle, a cake tin and the time to listen. I'll miss her phone calls, her terrible singing in the car and the way she said my name when she was proud of me.
Mum, thank you for everything. The kettle's on. We'll take it from here."
Tips for the day
- Read it out loud at home two or three times; it gets easier each time.
- Print it in 16-point text or larger, with wide spacing, and give a copy to the celebrant.
- Agree beforehand who will step in if you need to stop.
- Look up at a friendly face now and then, and go slowly.
- It's fine to cry. Nobody is judging the delivery.
Frequently asked questions
- How long should a eulogy for my mum be?
- Three to five minutes is usual, about 450 to 700 words. Crematorium services in the UK often have a set slot, commonly 30 to 45 minutes including everything, so check with the funeral director how long you have.
- What should I include in a eulogy for my mother?
- A short outline of her life (where she grew up, work, family), the qualities people will remember, two or three specific memories that show those qualities, what she meant to you and the family, and a closing line or goodbye.
- Can I read my mum's eulogy from my phone or paper?
- Yes, and almost everyone does. Print it in a large font with wide line spacing so it's easy to read through tears. Many people give a printed copy to the celebrant or a friend who can take over if needed.
- What if I can't get through it?
- That's completely normal and everyone in the room will understand. Pause, breathe, sip some water and carry on. You can also ask the celebrant or a family member to read it for you, or to stand beside you.
- Is it okay to include something funny?
- Yes, if it sounds like her. A gentle, loving story that makes people smile is often the part they remember most. Keep it kind and check it with close family first.
Would you like help writing it?
If you'd rather not face a blank page this week, TCH Works can write your mum's eulogy with you. You send us the memories, names and stories by email, at whatever length you can manage, and we shape them into a eulogy that sounds like your family, timed to your slot and ready to print. Eulogies are quoted individually, usually within the day, and we always keep to the funeral date.