Guide · Speeches · About a 6-minute read
How to write a eulogy
If you've been asked to speak at a funeral, you're probably trying to write it while grieving, with only a few days to go. This guide keeps it simple. A eulogy doesn't need to be perfect or polished. It needs to sound like you and help people remember the person they've lost.
First, check the practical details
- How long you have. Ask the funeral director, celebrant or minister. Crematorium services often run in a fixed slot, and there may be other readings and music to fit in. Three to five minutes is typical.
- Who else is speaking, so you don't tell the same stories.
- What the family wants: some want it light and full of stories, others want it quieter and more formal. If it's a religious service, ask whether there's anything you should or shouldn't include.
Gather the memories
Before you write a word, collect material. Ask family and friends three questions:
- What's a story that sums them up?
- What did they always say or do?
- What will you miss most?
Jot down the basics too: where and when they were born, family, work, the places they lived, hobbies, the things they loved. You won't use all of it, but it gives you something to choose from.
A simple structure
- Introduce yourself (20 seconds). "For those who don't know me, I'm Sarah, Pat's eldest daughter."
- Their life in brief (1 minute). The main chapters, in a few plain sentences: where they grew up, work, family, where they made their home.
- Who they were (2 minutes). Two or three short stories that show their character: their kindness, their stubbornness, their terrible jokes, the way they looked after people.
- What they meant to people (1 minute). To you, to the family, to their friends and community.
- A goodbye (20 seconds). A few words straight to them, a line from a favourite song or poem, or a simple "We love you and we'll miss you."
Writing tips
- Write the way you talk. Short sentences are easier to read out when you're emotional.
- Show, don't list. "She'd drive across town in her slippers to bring you soup" says more than "she was caring".
- Be honest but kind. You can acknowledge a difficult side gently ("he wasn't always easy, but…") without dwelling on it.
- Gentle humour is fine if it fits the person. Laughter at a funeral is often a relief.
- Read it aloud and time it. Then cut anything that doesn't feel right.
Opening lines you can use
"Thank you all for being here today. Looking around this room, I can see how many lives [name] touched."
"I've been trying all week to find the right words for [name], and I kept coming back to one: [word]."
"If [name] were here now, [he'd / she'd / they'd] be telling me to hurry up and get on with it. So I'll try."
Closing lines you can use
"[Name], thank you for [something specific]. We'll carry it with us. Rest easy."
"We'll miss you every day, but we're so lucky to have had you. Goodbye, [name]."
On the day
- Print it in large type (14 to 16 point), double-spaced, with page numbers.
- Mark where to pause and breathe.
- Give a spare copy to the celebrant or a friend, in case you need someone to take over. Nobody will think less of you.
- Keep water and tissues within reach, and take your time.
Frequently asked questions
- How long should a eulogy be?
- Usually three to five minutes, which is about 400 to 700 words. Crematorium services often run in a fixed time slot, so ask the funeral director or celebrant how long you have before you start writing.
- What should I include in a eulogy?
- A short introduction saying who you are, the key facts of their life, two or three stories that show what they were like, what they meant to the people around them, and a goodbye. Specific stories matter far more than a list of achievements.
- Is it OK to include humour in a eulogy?
- Yes, if it suits the person and it is kind. A gentle funny story often gives the room a moment of relief. Avoid anything that might embarrass the family or that only a few people would understand.
- What if I can't get through reading it?
- That is completely normal and nobody will mind. Print it in large type, mark places to pause, keep water nearby, and give a copy to the celebrant or a friend who can carry on reading for you if you need them to.
- Who usually gives the eulogy?
- Often a close family member or friend, but there is no rule. Some families share it between two or three people, and a celebrant or minister can read it on your behalf.
Would you like help writing it?
If you're finding it hard to put into words, TCH Works can help. You send us your memories and stories by email, and we shape them gently into a eulogy or tribute that sounds like you and fits your time slot, with a large-print copy for the day. Eulogies are priced individually because every one is different, and we always work to the date of the service. Email us with "Speech quote" in the subject and the date of the funeral, and we'll reply quickly with a price.