Guide · Weddings · About a 7-minute read
How to write a best man speech: a 5-minute structure that works
You've been asked to be best man, and somewhere between the stag do and the suit fitting it dawns on you that you'll have to stand up and talk in front of everyone. This guide walks you through it step by step, with a structure you can fill in tonight.
When does the best man speak?
At a traditional British wedding the speeches come at the reception, usually just before or just after the meal. The usual order is the father of the bride (or whoever is hosting), then the groom, then the best man last. Plenty of couples change this, and more and more brides and partners speak too, so ask the couple or the venue's coordinator for the running order early.
Going last has one big advantage: the room is warm and ready to laugh. It also means you're the one who hands back to the couple, so your ending matters.
How long should it be?
Aim for about five minutes, and never more than ten. Spoken at a relaxed pace, five minutes is roughly 650 to 750 words. Guests are full, often a few drinks in, and some will have travelled a long way. Nobody has ever complained that a best man speech was too short.
Write it, then read it out loud with a timer on your phone. Most people are surprised how long their first draft runs.
The five-part structure
Almost every good best man speech follows the same shape. You don't have to stick to it rigidly, but if you're staring at a blank page, start here.
- Hello and who you are (about 20 seconds). Introduce yourself and how you know the groom. Half the room won't know you. One line of warm-up humour is fine; don't open with a joke you're not sure about.
- Thank-yous (about 30 seconds). Thank the groom on behalf of the bridesmaids or the wedding party if that's the tradition you're following, thank the hosts, and say something kind about how the day has gone. Keep it short. If the groom has already thanked everyone, don't repeat the list.
- Stories about the groom (about 2 to 3 minutes). This is the heart of the speech. Pick two or three stories that show who he really is: one funny, one that shows his good side. Good stories have a clear point and end on a line people remember.
- The couple (about 1 minute). Turn from the groom to the two of them. How did they meet? What changed in him when they did? What do their friends notice about them together? This is where the room goes quiet, in a good way.
- The toast (about 15 seconds). Ask everyone to stand and raise a glass, then say the toast clearly: "To the bride and groom", or "To Sam and Alex". Then sit down. Don't add anything after the toast.
How to choose your stories
Write down every story you can think of, then test each one with three questions:
- Would his gran laugh? If not, it's out. Your audience runs from young children to elderly relatives.
- Does it need a long explanation? If you have to say "you had to be there", you've lost the room. The best stories make sense to someone who's never met him.
- Is it really about him? A story where the punchline is about you, the stag do or someone else in the room doesn't belong here.
Two or three strong stories beat seven quick ones. If you've got a lot of material, pick a theme (his terrible sense of direction, his obsession with a football team, the way he can't keep a secret) and let the stories build on each other.
What to leave out
- Exes. Never mention them, even as a joke.
- Anything from the stag do that needed the phrase "what happens on tour". Keep it there.
- Jokes about the bride or partner. Tease the groom, gently. Praise the person he married.
- In-jokes. If only five people will get it, it's not for a speech.
- Swearing, money, politics and anything that could embarrass a parent.
- Jokes copied from the internet. Guests have heard the famous ones before. A small true story about him always lands better than a polished joke about grooms in general.
A fill-in-the-gaps template
Good afternoon, everyone. For those who don't know me, I'm [your name], and I've had the privilege of being [groom]'s [friend / brother / cousin] for [how long].
First, on behalf of [the bridesmaids / the wedding party], thank you, [groom], for your kind words. And thank you to [hosts] for a day that's been [one honest detail about the day].
I first met [groom] [where and when]. My first impression was [honest, gentle observation], and [short story that proves it].
Over the years I've learned three things about him. [Story one, funny]. [Story two, funny]. And [story three, the one that shows what a good friend he is].
Then he met [partner]. [What changed. What his friends noticed. One specific moment.] [Partner], he's never been happier, and we're all very glad he finally found someone who [warm, specific line].
So, if you'd all please stand and raise your glasses. To [couple's names].
On the day
- Print it in big type or put it on cue cards. Reading from your phone looks like you're checking messages, and the screen will lock at the worst moment.
- Practise it out loud at least five times, and once in front of someone you trust who won't just be polite.
- Slow down. Nerves make everyone speak fast. Pause after each punchline so people can laugh.
- Go easy on the drink beforehand. One for courage, not five.
- Have the couple's names right, including how they say them, and check whether the bride is changing her name before you use it.
Stuck? We'll write it for you
If you'd rather have someone else do the writing, TCH Works writes best man, father of the bride, groom and other wedding speeches from a short questionnaire. You tell us the stories; we turn them into a five-minute speech in your own voice, with printable cue cards. Speech writing from £25.